The Lessons I Learned By Sitting Next to The Only Big Guy in China

I couldn’t believe it…I had gotten the seat on the train next to the only big person in China. We had criss-crossed all over the foreign country, and everywhere I went I was by far the largest person around. 

But on a four-hour train ride from Beijing to Zhengzhou and I sat next to the one guy out of a billion who could overflow into my seat. I know he could see the disappointment on my face when I threw my bag above the seat with a considerable sigh. 

“That’s just my luck,” I thought as I squeezed into the small seat that was meant for the frame of a typical Chinese person, not for me or the large guy next to me. 

I wasn’t the only one disappointed. He glared at me with a “I can’t believe I am going to have to sit by the big American” look. My new friend grunted politely while he elbowed me in a battle for arm-rest supremacy.

The Chinese were very respectful to me everywhere I went, but in a very passive-aggressive way. His grunts were pointed at me as if he was saying that this was his armrest and he was the original owner. 

I won the armrest battle because – well mostly because I was more aggressive-aggressive with my politeness. He relented with a silent nod of disapproval and eventually won the war by falling asleep on my shoulder and snoring very loudly. 

On that long trip I started thinking about the unwritten rules of communication that seem to be universal. This guy was very different from me, from a country very different than mine. We didn’t speak the same language, and I would guess that he had wildly different views about religion, family, politics…well, on pretty much any topic. 

But we both wanted that armrest. We wanted to have our own space. Without talking we sized each other up, glared to each other, and most importantly – communicated with each other.

It made me think about what my non-verbal communication looked like to others. If I would have smiled at him and graciously gave up part of my arm rest he might not have ended up slobbering on my shoulder. 

I know this sounds ridiculous, but our non-verbals and physical appearance matter. Quite a bit actually. I am certainly not going to tell you how to dress or how to look at others (that’s just creepy). I am simply telling you that we should all be conscious about how we interact with others non-verbally. 

Isn’t that what Living Your List is all about though? It’s making the decision to live life intentionally. It’s knowing that the little things matter. It’s being nice to someone who you don’t know without ever speaking to them. 

So, if you find yourself sitting next to the fat man in China on a train, you now know what to do. Don’t say you weren’t warned! 

What aspects of non-verbal communication do you try to implement into your conversations? What is important to you when others are interacting with you?